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Xie Zhonglang passed by the Houhu Lake of Qu'a and asked his attendants, "What kind of water is this?" They replied, "Qu'a Lake." Xie said, "It is a place where water flows into the deep and does not flow."
What is a cane? It is a title. On the third day, a son is given a cane, on the fifth day, a senior official is given a cane, and on the seventh day, a scholar is given a cane. Some say it is used to carry the main load; some say it is used to assist the sick. Women and children do not use a cane, and they cannot be sick. All officials and all things are ready. Those who do things without speaking are helped up; those who do things after speaking are helped up; those who do things themselves before walking have dirty faces. Bald people do not wear their hair, hunchbacks do not bare their shoulders, and lame people do not dance. The old and the sick do not stop drinking and eating meat. All these eight are controlled by power.
The most important thing is virtue, and the next best thing is to repay kindness. Reciprocity. It is not polite to go without coming back; it is also not polite to come without going back. When people are polite, they are safe; when they are impolite, they are in danger. Therefore it is said: Etiquette must be learned. The principle of etiquette is to humble oneself and respect others. Even a porter or peddler must be respected, let alone the rich and powerful? If a person is rich and noble but knows how to be polite, he will not be arrogant or licentious; if a person is poor and humble but knows how to be polite, he will not be deterred.
Nanyang Zong Shilin was a contemporary of Wei Wu, but Wei Wu despised him as a person and did not associate with him. When Wei Wu became Sikong and was in charge of government affairs, he calmly asked Zong, "Can I befriend you?" Zong replied, "The ambition of pine and cypress still remains." Shi Lin was dismissed for disobeying the emperor's order, and his position was not worthy of his virtue. Whenever Emperor Wen's brothers visited his door, they would bow alone under the bed. This was their etiquette for greeting.
Yu Liang'er was killed by Su Junnan. Zhuge Daoming's daughter was Yu Er's wife. After she became a widow, she was about to remarry and wrote a letter to Liang about it. Liang replied, "The virtuous girl is still young, so it is appropriate. She is grateful for her lost son, as if he were still alive."
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