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The rituals for women are established to make it clear that women are obedient, and they are also explained in order, so that women are required to be obedient. A submissive woman is obedient to her uncles and aunts, and harmonious with the family members; then she is responsible to her husband, and completes the affairs of silk, linen, cloth and silk, and carefully guards the accumulation and storage. Therefore, only when women are obedient can the family be harmonious and orderly; only when the family is harmonious and orderly can the family last long; therefore, the sage kings attach great importance to it.
Confucius said: "How does an archer shoot? How does he listen? He who follows the sound and shoots without missing the target is only a virtuous man! How can an unworthy man hit the target?" The Book of Songs says: "Shoot what he has, in order to pray for your wine." Pray means to ask; to ask for the target and refuse the wine is to refuse the wine. Wine is used to nourish the elderly and to cure illness; to ask for the target and refuse the wine is to refuse nourishment.
A gentleman acts according to his position and does not want to go beyond it. If you are rich and noble, behave like a rich and noble person; if you are poor and humble, behave like a poor and humble person; if you are a barbarian, behave like a barbarian; if you are in trouble, behave like a barbarian. A gentleman is content with everything he does. If he is in a high position, he will not bully those below him; if he is in a low position, he will not rely on those above him; if he is upright and does not seek help from others, he will not have any complaints. He will not blame the heaven above him, nor will he blame others below him. Therefore, a gentleman lives in ease and waits for his fate. A villain takes risks and hopes for luck. Confucius said, "Shooting is like a gentleman. If he misses the target, he should look for the reason in himself."
When Cao Gong was young, he met Qiao Xuan, who said to him, "The world is in turmoil, with heroes fighting each other. Wouldn't you be the one to sort things out? But you are a hero in troubled times and a villain in peaceful times. I regret that I am old and cannot see you become rich and powerful. I will be a burden to my descendants."
When a girl is betrothed, she is given a tassel; unless there is a serious reason, she will not enter the bride's house. When aunts, sisters, and daughters return home after getting married, brothers should not sit at the same table with them, nor eat from the same utensils with them. Father and son sit at different tables.
In ancient times, the seams of the hat were shrunk, but now, the seams are horizontal; so the hat of mourning is auspicious, which is not the ancient way. Zengzi said to Zisi: "Ji! When I was in mourning for my parents, I did not drink water for seven days." Zisi said: "The ancient kings established the rituals, those who passed by should bow down to reach it, and those who did not reach it should stand on tiptoe to reach it. Therefore, when a gentleman is in mourning for his parents, he should not drink water for three days, and he can only stand up after being caned." Zengzi said: "If small merits are not taxed, then distant brothers will never mourn, is that right?"
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