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When Xi Jiabin died, his wife's brothers wanted to bring their sister back, but she refused to come. He said: "Even if I cannot live in the same room with Xi Lang, I would rather not be buried in the same grave with him after death!"
Fan Rongqi saw that Xi's super-vulgar feelings were not light, so he said, "Yi, Qi, Nest, Xu, Yiyi is famous. Why bother with the hard work of God and bitterness, and support Wuxie?"
At the funeral of Sikou Huizi, Ziyou prepared hemp mourning clothes and hemp sash for him. Wen Zi declined, saying, "You are insulted to be with Mi Mou's brother You, and you are insulted to wear clothes for him. How dare you decline?" Ziyou said, "It is the rite." Wen Zi retreated and cried again. Ziyou hurried to the seats of the ministers. Wen Zi declined again, saying, "You are insulted to be with Mi Mou's brother You, and you are insulted to wear clothes for him, and you are insulted to attend his funeral. How dare you decline?" Ziyou said, "I insist on asking." Wen Zi retreated, helped Shi Zi to stand facing south, and said, "You are insulted to be with Mi Mou's brother You, and you are insulted to wear clothes for him, and you are insulted to attend his funeral. How dare you not return to your position?" Ziyou hurried to the guest seat. At the funeral of General Wenzi, after the mourning period was over, the people of Yue came to offer their condolences. The host wore a deep robe and a white cap, waited in the temple, weeping. Ziyou looked at him and said, "General Wen's son is almost a commoner! He is a man of honor who died according to the etiquette, and his actions are in the right place."
Zhang Xuanzhi and Gu Fu were the grandchildren of Gu Hezhong. Both of them were smart and intelligent since they were young. He knew it, and often said that Gu Sheng was too close to Zhang, which made Zhang quite unhappy. At that time, Zhang was nine years old and Gu was seven years old. They went to the temple together. When they saw the Buddha's Nirvana statue, some of the disciples cried, while some did not. They asked their two grandsons about it. Xuan said, "Weep when you are loved by others, and don't cry when you are not loved by others." Fu said: "No, it is because I forgot my feelings that I did not cry, and I could not forget my feelings that I cried."
During the funeral of Confucius, two or three disciples all wore mourning clothes and went out. They wore mourning clothes when they were in a group, but not when they went out.
At first, Huan Nanjun and Yang Guang persuaded Yin Jingzhou together, saying that it was advisable to seize the southern barbarians from Yin in order to establish themselves. Ji also understood his intention immediately, and once when he was on a walk, he left his lodgings without delay and never returned. Those who have no foresight inside or outside have a gloomy mood, which is far from the calmness of fighting for life. There are many comments on this at the time.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
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