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When Chen Yuanfang lost his father, he cried and mourned until his body became emaciated. His mother felt sorry for him and secretly covered him with a brocade quilt. Guo Linzong came to express his condolences and saw him, and said to him, "You are a talented person in the country, and a role model for the whole country. How can you mourn with a brocade quilt covering you? Confucius said, 'To wear brocade and to eat rice, what good will it do you?' I will not accept it!" He threw away his clothes and left. From then on, no guests came for a hundred days.
Men and women have different heights. When a man is twenty, he is crowned and given a name. In front of the father, it is the son's name; in front of the king, it is the minister's name. When a girl is betrothed, she is given a name after she reaches the age of marriage.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
In the way of learning, it is difficult to have a strict teacher. Only when the teacher is strict can the way be respected, and only when the way is respected can the people know to respect learning. Therefore, there are two things that the ruler should not be a servant to his ministers: when they are corpses, they should not be a servant, and when they are teachers, they should not be a servant. The etiquette of the university, even if it is issued to the emperor, does not face north; this is to respect the teacher.
Confucians cleanse themselves and bathe in virtue, they keep their words to themselves, they are calm and correct, and their superiors do not know; they are rough and arrogant, and they do not rush to do things; they do not think they are high when they are deep, and they do not think they are much when they add a little; they do not despise the world in peace, and they do not get discouraged when the world is in chaos; they do not agree with the same, and they do not criticize the different. They are like this in their uniqueness.
Huan Xuanwu once invited his assistants to stay overnight. Yuan Hong and Fu Tao arrived one after another and stayed in the government office. There was also assistant general Yuan. Yanbo was suspicious and ordered him to preach and question him. The missionary said: "The military commander is Yuan Shikai, Yuan Shikai, what else is there to doubt?"
Duke Mu asked Zisi, "Is it ancient to return to serve the old monarch?" Zisi said, "In ancient times, gentlemen promoted people with courtesy and dismissed people with courtesy, so there was a ritual of returning to serve the old monarch; today's gentlemen promote people as if they were about to kneel down and dismiss people as if they were about to cross the abyss, and do not act like the head of an enemy, isn't that good! So why is there a ritual of returning to serve?"
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