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God's Abyss

The Craziest Son-in-Law

The one who presents the table and the staff should brush it. The one who imitates a horse or a sheep should lead it with his right hand; the one who imitates a dog should lead it with his left hand. The one who holds a bird should hold it with his left hand. The one who decorates lambs and geese should hold it with a silk cloth. The one who receives pearls and jade should hold it with his hands. The one who receives a bow and sword should hold it with his sleeves. The one who drinks from a jade cup should not wave it. Anyone who asks for a bow, sword, bag, or basket to ask for a favor should hold it as if he were receiving a favor, just like a messenger.

The goddess's door-to-door son-in-law

Wang Ziyou and Zijing were both seriously ill, but Zijing died first. Ziyou asked his attendants, "Why haven't we heard any news? He is already dead!" He showed no sadness at all when he spoke. They asked for a sedan chair and came to the funeral, but did not cry. Zijing had always loved the zither, so he went straight in and sat on the coffin, took out Zijing's zither and played it. When the strings were out of tune, he threw it to the ground and said, "Zijing! Zijing! Both you and the zither are gone." He was in grief for a long time, and died more than a month later.

Pampering Wife

Etiquette begins with respect for husband and wife, and distinguishing the inner and outer parts of the palace. Men live outside, women live inside, and the palace is deep and the gates are strong, with gatekeepers guarding it. Men do not enter, and women do not leave. Men and women do not use the same shackles, dare not hang on the husband's shackles, dare not hide in the husband's box, and dare not bathe together. When the husband is not at home, the pillow, box, mat, and quilt are hidden. The young serve the elder, the humble serve the noble, and everyone is the same. The etiquette of husband and wife only lasts until the age of seventy, and they share the same shackles. Therefore, even if the concubine is old, she must have sex with him for five days before she reaches fifty. The one who is about to give birth to a child, washes his head and washes his clothes carefully, combs his hair, puts on a hairpin, brushes his hair, and wears a collar, tassels, and sandals. Even maids and concubines must dress and eat after the elders. If the wife is not at home, the concubine dare not give birth to a child at night.

Mr. President, please exercise some restraint!

At the funeral of Sikou Huizi, Ziyou prepared hemp mourning clothes and hemp sash for him. Wen Zi declined, saying, "You are insulted to be with Mi Mou's brother You, and you are insulted to wear clothes for him. How dare you decline?" Ziyou said, "It is the rite." Wen Zi retreated and cried again. Ziyou hurried to the seats of the ministers. Wen Zi declined again, saying, "You are insulted to be with Mi Mou's brother You, and you are insulted to wear clothes for him, and you are insulted to attend his funeral. How dare you decline?" Ziyou said, "I insist on asking." Wen Zi retreated, helped Shi Zi to stand facing south, and said, "You are insulted to be with Mi Mou's brother You, and you are insulted to wear clothes for him, and you are insulted to attend his funeral. How dare you not return to your position?" Ziyou hurried to the guest seat. At the funeral of General Wenzi, after the mourning period was over, the people of Yue came to offer their condolences. The host wore a deep robe and a white cap, waited in the temple, weeping. Ziyou looked at him and said, "General Wen's son is almost a commoner! He is a man of honor who died according to the etiquette, and his actions are in the right place."

Part-time Lover

The Taoist priest sitting high up did not speak Chinese. When someone asked him what he meant by this, he replied in a simple way: "It is troublesome to answer in a simple way."