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As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
When Duke Huan entered Shu and reached the Three Gorges, one of his troops found a monkey. His mother wailed along the shore and walked for more than a hundred miles without getting any closer. She then jumped onto the boat and died as soon as she got on board. When they opened his stomach and looked inside, they found that his intestines were all torn into pieces. When the Duke heard this, he was angry and ordered the man to be dismissed.
When Xie E was young, he liked to hold a purple silk sachet and hang it over his hand. The Grand Tutor was worried about it, but did not want to offend him, so he made a bet and burned it as soon as he could.
When a girl is betrothed, she is given a tassel; unless there is a serious reason, she will not enter the bride's house. When aunts, sisters, and daughters return home after getting married, brothers should not sit at the same table with them, nor eat from the same utensils with them. Father and son sit at different tables.
Xian Zi Suo said: "I heard that in ancient times, there was no decline, and the upper and lower classes each chose their relatives. Teng Bowen mourned for Menghu, his uncle; he mourned for Mengpi, his uncle." Hou Mu said: "Mourning, I heard from the county masters that mourning must be thought deeply and long, and the coffin should be changed inside and outside. I will do the same when I die." Zengzi said: "The corpse has not been decorated yet, so the hall is covered with curtains, and the burial is small and the curtains are clear." Zhongliangzi said: "The husband and wife are in chaos, so the hall is covered with curtains, and the burial is small and the curtains are clear." For the small burial, Ziyou said: "In the east." Zengzi said: "In the west, the mat is gathered." The small burial was in the west, which was a loss in the late Lu ritual. Xianzi said, "The mourning clothes and skirts are not ancient." Zi Pu died, and the weeping people cried out. Zi Gao said, "This is wild." The weeping people changed.
When Ruan Bubing lost his mother, Pei Linggong went to offer condolences. Ruan Fang was drunk, sat on the bed with his hair loose, and did not cry. Pei arrived, sat on the ground, cried and mourned, and then left. Someone asked Pei, "In a condolence ceremony, the host cries and the guests perform the rituals. Since Ruan didn't cry, why did you cry?" Pei said, "Ruan is an outsider, so he doesn't respect rituals. We are ordinary people, so we take rituals as our own." People at that time sighed that he had achieved the best of both worlds.
Liu Zhenchang talked with Yin Yuanyuan. Liu Li was a little defeated. Yin said, "Oh, you don't want to be a general who is good at attacking from above with ladders."
The etiquette for being a son is: be warm in winter and cool in summer, be alert at dusk and check on others in the morning, and do not argue with the ugly and the barbaric.
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