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In mourning, one should only look at the deceased but not answer; in mourning of the same age, one should answer but not speak; in mourning of the great merit, one should speak but not discuss; in mourning of the minor merit, one should discuss but not enjoy music. This is the expression of grief in speech.
The Prime Minister was building the Yangzhou residence. He said as he walked, "I am building this for the second-in-command!" He was highly respected by the kings and nobles when he was young, so he sighed like this many times.
Zhu Fashen was sitting next to Jianwen. Liu Yin asked, "Why does a Taoist visit rich families?" He replied, "You can see the rich families yourself. I, a poor Taoist, am like visiting a thatched cottage." Some people said it was Bian Ling.
When parents die, before offering sacrifices, brothers die; after the funeral, offering sacrifices are made. If they are in the same palace, even if they are servants or concubines, offering sacrifices are made after the funeral. During sacrifices, the host's ranks are divided, and the attendants are also divided. Even the Yu Fu are the same. From the princes to the scholars, during the minor sacrifices, the host spits when offering wine; the guests and brothers all spit at it. For the major sacrifices, the host spits, and the guests and brothers all drink it. Those who attend the sacrifices and funerals tell the guests to offer sacrifices but not to eat.
As for a man, he sits like a corpse and stands like a monk. Etiquette should be in accordance with what is appropriate, and officials should follow customs. Rituals are used to determine closeness and distance, resolve suspicions, distinguish similarities and differences, and make clear right and wrong. Etiquette means not speaking ill of others and not refusing expenses. Etiquette means not exceeding the limit, not being invasive, and not being too intimate. Cultivating oneself and putting one's words into practice is called good deeds. Practicing, cultivating, and speaking the truth are the essence of etiquette. We hear about learning from others, not about learning from others. Etiquette is learned from those who come to learn, not from those who go to teach.
Kong Chen of Kuaiji, Wei Yi, Yu Qiu, Yu Cun and Xie Feng were all the best of the four clans and the most powerful people of their time. Sun Xinggong said: "Chen is the gold of Kong family, Xi is the jade of Wei family, Yu is the eldest and the last of Lin, and Xie is the master of Hongdao."
Xie E respected his elder sister very much, and Zhang Xuan often praised his younger sister, hoping to rival her. There was a man named Jini, who visited the homes of both Zhang and Xie. People ask about its advantages and disadvantages? The answer was: "Mrs. Wang has a relaxed and cheerful demeanor, so she has the air of a forest dweller. Mrs. Gu has a pure heart and a beautiful reflection of her beauty, so she is naturally the beauty of the boudoir."
Emperor Xiaowu held a meeting in the West Hall, and Fu Tao sat down in advance. When he got off the car, he called his son and said to him, "In a gathering of hundreds of people, before sitting down, he asked, 'Where is Fu Tao? Is he here?' This is why it is not easy to answer. How is it to be a father like this?"
Wang Ziyou lived in Shanyin. It snowed heavily at night. He woke up, opened the room, and ordered wine to be poured. The sky was bright all around, so I stood up and imitated the poet, reciting Zuo Si's poem to invite hermits. Suddenly I remembered Dai Andao, who was in Shan at that time, so I took a small boat to visit him at night. After walking a night, he finally arrived, but he opened the door without going forward and turned back. When asked why, the king said, "I went out for fun and returned when the fun wore off. Why should I see Dai?"
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