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Fu Gu is good at talking about empty victories, while Xun Can鈥檚 conversation is profound and far-reaching. Whenever they talked together, there were arguments and they could not understand each other. Pei Jizhou explained the meaning of the two families, understood the thoughts of both sides, and always made both sides feel satisfied and happy.
Xie Jingzhong's daughter married Wang Xiaobo'er, and the two men loved each other very much. Xie was appointed as Chief Clerk of the Grand Tutor, but was dismissed. The king then appointed him as Chief Clerk and gave him charge of Jinling County. The Grand Tutor had already framed Xiaobo and did not want him to have a chance to apologize, so he sent him back to be his advisor. Outwardly it appears to be in a state of tension, but in reality it is in a state of disarray. After Xiao Bo was defeated, the Grand Tutor went around the East Palace City and dispersed. His subordinates all stood at the South Gate to wait for him and pay him respects. At that time, he said to Xie: "Wang Ning has a conspiracy, and it is said that you are his plan." Xie Zeng showed no fear, and replied with his hu tablets: "Le Yanfu once said: 'Why would you exchange five sons for one daughter?'" The Grand Tutor liked his answer, so he raised his glass to persuade him, saying: "So you are better! So you are better!"
Respect, prudence, and correctness before treating each other with affection, is the general principle of etiquette, and it is the way to establish the distinction between men and women, and the righteousness of husband and wife. There is a distinction between men and women, and then there is righteousness between husband and wife; there is righteousness between husband and wife, and then there is affection between father and son; there is affection between father and son, and then there is affection between ruler and minister. Correct. Therefore, it is said that the wedding ceremony is the root of etiquette.
Those who follow others in mourning should not mourn until their parents are gone. Those who follow others should mourn even when their parents are dead. If a concubine leaves a female ruler, she should not mourn for the female ruler's son. According to etiquette, there is no sacrifice without the king. The crown prince does not lower his wife's parents; his wife is the same as the son of a senior official. If the father is a scholar and the son is the emperor or a prince, then sacrifices are made to the emperor or a prince, and his body is dressed in scholar's clothes. If the father is the emperor or a prince and the son is a scholar, sacrifices are made to the scholar, and his body is dressed in scholar's clothes. If a woman leaves the house when she is in mourning, she should be removed. If she leaves the house before mourning for her parents, she should be mourned for three years. If she leaves the house after mourning, it is over. If she returns without mourning, she should be mourned for a period of time; if she returns after mourning, she should be mourned for a period of time.
The betrothal gift is seven intermediaries for the upper duke, five intermediaries for the marquis and earl, and three intermediaries for the viscount and the man, so as to distinguish the noble from the humble. When introducing and conveying orders, a gentleman dares not question the one he respects, which is the utmost respect. After three concessions, he can convey the order, enter the temple gate after three concessions, reach the steps after three bows, and ascend after three concessions, so as to show respect and humility.
Zengzi asked, "When the burial leads to the grave, if the sun is eclipsed, will there be changes? Or not?" Confucius said, "In the past, I followed Lao Dan to help with the burial in Xiangdang. When we reached the grave, the sun was eclipsed. Lao Dan said, 'Qiu! Stop the coffin, stand on the right side of the road, stop crying and wait for changes.' After daybreak, he turned back and went on. He said, 'It is the etiquette.' When the burial was reversed, Qiu asked, 'The coffin cannot be reversed. If the sun is eclipsed, how can we go if we don't know how late it will be?' Lao Dan said, 'The princes go to the emperor's court, and leave the sacrifice at the sun; the officials go to the emperor's court, and leave the sacrifice at the sun. The coffin does not leave early and does not stay late. Only criminals and those who go to the funeral of their parents go on the journey when they see the stars! The sun is eclipsed, how do you know that the stars are not visible? Moreover, a gentleman practices etiquette and does not take people's relatives as his concern. 'I heard Lao Dan say this.
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